My blue jeans and trainers were an oddity in a room full of people wearing dark, starched, pressed suits at an event that was supposed to be a “developer garage”.

In further confirmation that I had misinterpreted the event, a number of MBA-toting, equally suited-up Facebook VPs filled the stage in anticipation of their 26-year-old CEO’s arrival. I finally got my retribution when, a few minutes later, Mr. Mark Zuckerberg emerged in all his jeans and trainers glory. 

He gave his keynote speech and the Facebook gang took turns painting a picture of a thriving Facebook nirvana made up of users, developers and advertisers – order not according to food chain. 

Rise of the Social Media Consultants 

I noticed that one important demographic of the Facebook ecosystem was left out of the presentation – one that almost everyone at the Developer Garage claimed to belong to - the “Social Media Consultant”. 

Nearly 90% of the ones I met were either sleek, metrosexual Scandinavian-looking guys or dolled up Eastern European girls.

After a few helpful beers and plenty of awkward “So what do you actually do?” questions, I deduced that there must be a gaping hole in the market for skilled workers best described as “Professional Facebookers”.  

Obvious oxymoron aside, I could see how a “Professional Facebooker” would add value – posting targeted messages on walls, groups, pages, etc. I was also convinced that this required more brainpower than their Twitter counterparts, who are generally measured by the number of followers they command and number of overlapping upturned collars in profile pictures. 

At the event I was fortunate enough to sit in on a few impromptu sales pitches for Professional Facebooker services, one of which was to a major British TV station. In an indication of how fast the industry has matured, my new Professional Facebooker friend amazed me with how much information one can extract in five minutes and at the same time come across as being smart, credible and “on the digital ball”. 

“Do you have a Facebook page?”, “Do you post content on Facebook?”, “Do you have an RSS feed?” were some of the gems that left me flabbergasted and embarrassed at my own incompetence. Any organization that still has doubts over whether they need a Social Media Consultant needs to schedule an emergency meeting with one right now.

Or they could speak to my sister. Based on my own, admittedly unscientific but nevertheless in-depth research, university students spend more than 10 hours a day on Facebook, are in constant financial need and best of all, create and consume viral content on an almost minute-to-minute basis.

Need to viral a product? Just find a Business Studies undergraduate, buy them a six-pack and watch the magic unravel on Facebook, Youtube, etc. No worries about uninspired material – they’re known to be very resourceful in procuring additional vegetative stimulants should the need arise. Russian spam networks would be utterly outclassed. 

Back at the Facebook event, Social Media Consultants continued prowling for confused, insecure Heads of Marketing eager to get “on the digital ball”.

I managed to squeeze though the sleek people to catch this snap next to their big boss.